I don’t run around looking for expiration dates. And this is newish because I used to. For someone who grew up with relative stability and abundant grace, I endured some doubtful, stressful moments.
They don’t last. They gave me headaches and tears, peppered my cheeks with pimples and made one more bowl of turtle pie seem necessary.
Or they had me run miles on miles on miles until my arches waded in the water, joints ached, and mind processed more strenuous physical routes to sanity.
I am an over-thinker by nature and nurture. I believe that people are inherently good (and not the other way around), although I acknowledge the choice to stray and genetic predispositions that can alter their coping skills.
Until recently my heart was on thug mode. It wasn’t a matter of jacking anything from others or defending turf. It was about opting out of potential pain. Yet in doing so, I also opted out of potential joy.
And if my spirit is anything like my wardrobe, you’d be hard-pressed to find neutrals.
To save face and prevent disappointment I dissected the heck out of what I already dissected and anticipated the worst, while hoping for the best. That way if I were surprised it would only be pleasant.
With wisdom and personal reminders of life’s complexity, I now see that wasn’t an ideal response.
That is not to say I’m some nose-wide-open-sucker now. Trust and believe. But, by reversing my mental tapes, my life is taking shape in different and exciting ways.
There are more moments of purity, joy and, admittedly, confusion. However, the experiences are all authentically mine. They are progress stemming from the choice to free myself enough to walk to and through them.
I read, pray and meditate. I consult select loved ones. I speak honestly. I stage-business habitual drama-creators from constant roles in my scene. And by stage business, I mean insignificant blocking, if any at all.
It is a constant process, but I feel like a better person, one who is grateful for everything.
Maintaining humility and gratitude while expecting good things, (My inner Gabby Bernstein says miracles.) refocuses smoggy lenses. Because we are entitled to purposeful and pollution-free courses to chart. Progression. Expression. Stunna shades as radiant and diverse as we are.
Preparing for negativity is oftentimes an expectation and request for chaos. Self-fulfilling prophecy swag. So a shawty thinketh, a shawty is.
Ever walked around bent out of shape about an impending altercation that never came? Which is worse: forcing the confrontation because it was “time” or becoming a stress-a-ton?
A blueprint greater than ours prevents us from realizing some things in the moment. Insta-cognition and omnipotence would be burdensome. Additionally, with multiple sides and nuances to every story, there’s no guarantee that moment’s truth would be absolute.
Here’s to appreciating that which should be, letting people know their significance to us, counting blessings, sniffing roses and knowing that when we need to know, we will.
After all that, if it’s still funky, fungal and dated, toss it out.